


Codename: Operation Hide the Strippers

by swallowthewhale



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, klaine wedding minibang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-11
Updated: 2013-05-11
Packaged: 2017-12-11 13:03:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/799042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swallowthewhale/pseuds/swallowthewhale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Puck plans a secret un-Bachelor Party for Kurt and Blaine with the rest of the old New Directions. But since this is Puck we're talking about, things don't go exactly as planned.<br/></p><p>For the Klaine Wedding Minibang and the lovely Knittywriter, who writes gorgeous fic. I may or may not have flailed a little when I found out I would get to write for her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Codename: Operation Hide the Strippers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [knittywriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/knittywriter/gifts).



There are diagrams. And color-coded charts. And detailed assignments. It would be impressive, really, if it wasn’t so weird, because Puck absolutely does not do color-coding. But there he is, waving with a collapsible pointer-stick-thing at the dry erase board where some sort of complicated timetable is drawn out in red and blue Expo markers. Mike isn’t really sure what any of it means, except that there are going to be strippers and copious amounts of alcohol.  


Puck is currently engaged in an argument with Santana about who gets to bartend, which Sugar is following eagerly, popping her gum, while Finn frowns in concentration at one of the diagrams Puck has taped to the wall. Rachel is ranting very quietly (for Rachel) at Quinn, who looks bored, and Brittany, who looks annoyed. Artie and Sam are discussing the merits of a Star Wars themed bachelor party (Kurt would kill them) and Tina is sitting next to Mike, scrolling aimlessly through Facebook on her phone.  


The entire room quiets just in time for Rachel’s voice to hit its peak volume. “I think that Kurt and Blaine would most appreciate for us to declare our love and support of them and their union through song. I’ve already taken the liberty of compiling a list of potential songs for me to sing, as well as a smaller selection of group numbers. Now, I know most people won’t want to miss the party, so I am willing to sacrifice my own full enjoyment of the evening to provide my vocal talents - ”  


“Rachel!” Santana snaps. “Shut up. No one’s going to be singing.”  


Rachel frowns and resettles herself in her seat with a huff before opening her mouth to argue.  


“Santana’s right,” Puck says quickly. “This is a party. We can sing at the wedding reception. Bachelor parties are for getting drunk and celebrating your last night of being single.”  


Quinn rolls her eyes. “They’re not single, Puck. They’re dating. They’re engaged.”  


Puck waves it off. “Whatever. The point is that no one’s singing. Especially you, Berry. You’re probably going to start on some creepy, sad song and depress everyone.”  


Rachel crosses her arms and pouts.  


“Now.” Puck turns to face the rest of the group. “We have to come up with a codename. So that Blaine and Kurt won’t know that we’re planning anything.”  


“Right,” Quinn drawls. “Because a codename definitely won’t give it away.”  


Puck pokes the pointer in her direction. “Quiet, Fabray.”  


“You know,” Tina pipes up. “I’m pretty sure Kurt and Blaine don’t want a bachelor party.”  


Puck shrugs. “It’s not the night before their wedding, so we don’t have to call it that. It’s just a party. Celebrating their marriage. We aren’t even doing separate parties.”  


“I think what Tina’s trying to say, Noah,” Rachel butts in. “Is that Kurt and Blaine would better appreciate a more low-key celebration with close friends and tasteful food and beverages.”  


“And romantic music and slow-dancing instead of club music and strippers,” Sugar adds.  


Sam nods. “Maybe we should get rid of the strippers.”  


Puck flattens himself against the wall as if to protect his plans. “No! There was going to be a stripper cake!”  


Santana rolls her eyes. “Get rid of the strippers, Puckerman. Or Hummel’s going to castrate you when he finds out it was your idea to order a stripper cake.”  


“Fine,” Puck scowls. “But there’s still going to be lots of alcohol.”  


“Which Santana is going to be in charge of,” Finn insists. “The last time you mixed drinks, no one remembered anything in the morning.”  


Puck still insists on a codename, but they can’t all agree, so it ends up changing every couple of days. The last Mike heard, it was “Codename: Unicorn Sorbet.” He’s pretty sure that Brittany and Rachel came up with it, then Finn misheard “soiree” as “sorbet.” Regardless, it’s not inconspicuous at all and if Kurt or Blaine heard about it, they’d probably know immediately what was being organized. The New Directions was never very good at secrecy. Or planning.  


\---  


Kurt is sure their friends are planning something. Finn flushes every time he makes eye contact with either Kurt or Blaine, and Santana’s been asking about their favorite types of alcohol. And then there’s Rachel, who is not the most subtle, and has been singing R&B club music under her breath for the past two weeks.  


Blaine only smiles when Kurt brings it up, which he knows means that Blaine is aware there’s a party happening, that there probably was always going to be a party despite their protests, and that there’s not much they can do but go along with it. If there’s one thing their friends are, it’s stubborn. They’re not particularly sly, though; Kurt’s heard talk of an “Operation: Not a Bachelor Party,” which he’s pretty sure Finn and Puck came up with together, because it’s atrocious.  


Kurt is frowning out the window in concentration, trying to decide if he really wants to show up for this party, when Blaine slides up behind him, lifting a little on his toes to rest his chin on Kurt’s shoulder.  


“What’s up?”  


Kurt sighs. “I’m considering locking the two of us in here all night with Chinese food and re-runs of that fashion show I hate.”  


“Not feeling up to another Rachel Berry House Party Train Wreck Extravaganza?” Blaine giggles.  


“Not if it means Puck’s mixing drinks,” Kurt says drily, threading their fingers together. “Or if Rachel’s planning on forcing everyone to sing karaoke with her.”  


“Hey, I like karaoke,” Blaine pouts.  


Kurt laughs, turning to lean back against the window and drape his arms over Blaine’s shoulders. “I know. I seem to recall you singing 80’s pop songs very loudly every time you get drunk.”  


Blaine rolls his eyes. “Well, if I promise I won’t get that drunk tonight, can we go?”  


“I suppose so,” Kurt says with a put-upon sigh. “If you really want to.”  


Kurt shrieks when Blaine pinches his side. “You know you want to.”  


\---  


Everyone’s hidden behind the living room furniture so they can jump out at Kurt and Blaine when they walk in (another of Puck’s ideas). There’s giggling from various corners of the room when they hear Kurt and Blaine moving toward the door, talking loudly about flower arrangements for the wedding.  


Mike had been about 60% sure that Kurt and Blaine had figured out there was going to be a secret party immediately after the very first planning session. He hikes that estimate up to close to 98% percent when the door opens very, very slowly and Kurt remains unfazed when they all jump out from behind the furniture and even manage to all yell “surprise” at the same time. Blaine hides his laughter in Kurt’s shoulder while Kurt just lifts an eyebrow at them all.  


“I thought we said we didn’t want a bachelor party?” he drawls, eyes flitting over the streamers and lines of alcohol on the kitchen counter.  


“It’s not a bachelor party!” Puck protests immediately. “It’s just a celebration of you guys finally getting married!”  


Kurt rolls his eyes and turns to Blaine. “If you get drunk and kiss anyone but me, I’m calling off the wedding.”  


Blaine blinks up at him, barely hiding his smirk. “But everyone’s already decided that I can kiss them if I get drunk. We even signed an agreement.”  


Kurt just smiles at him in that way Mike knows means he thinks Blaine is ridiculous but loves him anyway.  


Puck claps his hands and starts to speak when the guest bedroom door slams open and five scantily-clad men come tumbling out.  


Kurt’s eyes go comically wide and he turns a dangerous shade of red while Puck pales and tries to shoo the men back into the room.  


“Puck,” Blaine says slowly. “Are those strippers?”  


Puck closes the door behind them and tries to lean against it innocently. “What makes you think that?”  


“You,” Kurt says, pointing at Puck, “will get rid of the strippers.” He takes Blaine’s hand and pulls him towards the kitchen. “I need a drink.”  


\---  


It doesn’t take long for the couches and chairs to get pushed to the side of the room so there’s space to dance. Artie has somehow claimed control of the music and is playing some weird R&B/pop mash-up that everyone’s too drunk to care about. Kurt, after leaning casually against the kitchen counter and watching Blaine wiggle around with Sugar and Brittany, stalks over and pulls a grinning Blaine by the tie away from the girls to catcalls from everyone else.  


Brittany is steadily losing clothing, and Santana has abandoned the makeshift bar to dance with her, while Quinn and Sugar waltz sloppily around the living room, completely out of time to the music. Finn is scowling on the couch watching Rachel dance with Puck, banished after stepping on her toes one too many times. When “Moves Like Jagger” comes on, Mike pulls Tina into the center of the room and salsas with her while their friends all attempt to copy the way they’re moving their hips.  


After nearly an hour, Quinn wrestles the stereo away from Artie, turns the volume down, and puts on slower music.  


“We should play a drinking game,” Santana suggests from the couch, where Brittany is draped over her lap.  


“Spin the bottle!”  


“Seven minutes in heaven!”  


“Truth or dare!”  


“Never have I ever!”  


“What are we in high school?” Puck scoffs. “We should play beer pong.”  


“No,” Quinn says firmly. “You will not be throwing things in my apartment, Noah.”  


“What about Kings?” Finn offers.  


Santana waves the idea off with her hand. “Too complicated.”  


“Strip poker?” Brittany asks, fingering the edges of her shorts.  


“No,” Kurt snaps. “No offence, but I have no desire to see any of you naked.”  


“I think truth or dare is a good idea,” Blaine says.  


“What about Cards Against Humanity?” Santana suggests. “I think we have them somewhere around here.”  


The game lasts barely three turns around the circle before everyone starts getting distracted. They give up completely when Finn leaves to go to the bathroom and Puck wanders off to find food. Santana changes the music to songs with heavy Latin beats and pulls Brittany back into a dance that’s more grinding than anything. Kurt, who’s hit the giggly stage of drunkenness drags a very happy Blaine into a slow two-step dance that ignores the fast-paced music. They’re both leaning onto each other for support because they keep bursting into laughter and almost collapsing into a heap on the floor.  


Then there’s a lull in the music and Rachel suddenly screams shrilly, “Get out of the closet!”  


The room quiets and everyone turns to see Sugar and Quinn stumble red-faced out of the coat closet.  


“We weren’t - I was just -” Quinn sputters.  


“She was helping me look for my purse and we got locked in!” Sugar snaps, her face a brilliant shade of maroon.  


“Sure, you were,” Santana drawls and suddenly it’s all hilariously funny.  


Kurt’s face is buried in Blaine’s shoulder, frame shaking slightly with silent laughter, Puck and Finn are laughing uproariously, draped over the couch and Brittany’s giggling on the armchair with Santana nearly crying with laughter on her lap.  


Quinn scowls and stomps off into one of the bedrooms while Sugar tosses her hair and sits primly on one of the barstools.  


They quiet down only to hear a sudden tear and the patter of buttons hitting the hardwood floors and turn to see Finn blushing furiously with the edges of his shirt in hand.  


“I don’t even know how that happened,” he mumbles before they all burst out laughing again.  


\---  


It’s nearing midnight and Puck has cranked the music up again, this time with some punk-rap artists he likes. Rachel is asleep on the couch next to where Brittany and Santana are making out. Sugar is sitting on Artie’s lap, talking with over exaggerated gestures and Puck, Finn, Sam, and Mike are trying to do boy-band moves to the rapping section of the song.  


Blaine is giggling at Tina trying to teach Quinn how to tango when hands slide around his waist from behind and a warm body presses up against his back.  


“Hey stranger,” Kurt whispers and it’s more than enough to make Blaine wish they were currently very, very alone. “Come with me for a minute?”  


Blaine doesn’t argue, just lets Kurt take his hand and lead him out the sliding door in the kitchen to the tiny balcony that overlooks the east-facing side of the city, lit-up and buzzing like it always is. Blaine leans against the railing and waits for Kurt to settle against him again, chin on Blaine’s shoulder and arms tight around Blaine’s stomach.  


“I love you,” Kurt says into his neck and Blaine smiles, the same giddy happiness he feels every time Kurt tells him that welling up in his chest.  


“I love you, too,” he replies, leaning back into Kurt a little more. “We have ridiculous friends.”  


“I can’t believe Puck got strippers.” Kurt sighs. “Well, no, I can definitely believe it. I can’t believe Puck thought we would want strippers.”  


Blaine laughs. “Mike told me the initial plans included a stripper cake and pole dancers. And Rachel wanted to do karaoke. Or offered to be the musical entertainment all night, or something.”  


“That’s Rachel for you,” Kurt laughs. “It didn’t turn out too badly, though. It was kind of fun actually. You didn’t make out with anyone else and Finn didn’t break anything valuable.”  


Blaine turns and wraps his arms around Kurt’s neck. “You should know by now that I don’t want to kiss anyone but you. Drunk or sober.”  


Kurt giggles and leans forward to brush their noses together. “I know,” he whispers. “I just like teasing you.”  


He silences Blaine’s protest with a slow kiss, deep enough that they don’t hear the door sliding open behind them and are startled apart by the sudden cheering and whistling.  


“Get it!” Puck yells.  


Kurt sighs and keeps an arm around Blaine as he rounds his friends back into the apartment. They drape themselves across random pieces of furniture, the music quiet in the background.  


Then Britt asks lazily, “What happened to the strippers?”


End file.
